Ken Burns Hates Mexicans

Wet Burrito Award

Yesterday on Meet the Press GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain clarified his earlier remarks about how he would solve the complex issue of illegal immigrattion into the United States...you know, his plan of killing Mexicans as they crossed the border with a giant electrifed fence.

Turns out the vato was joking. Making a funny. Sharing a chuckle with the Tea Party crowd he was addressing. Seems the hilarious image of 1000 volts of current zapping ol' Juan and Jose as they tangle themselves up in barbed wire as they look for work is what passes for humor amongst the wacky Tea Party crowd. To be fair, humanitarian that he is, Cain assured his laughing audience that it he'd put up a sign -- both in English AND in Spanish -- warning of the grave dangers ahead of illegally hopping the fence.

"No" to bilingual ballots. "Yes" to helpful signs warning that you about to die.

So was Cain joking? According to this report the GOP frontrunner mentioned the electrice fence at various campaign stops throughout the day, oftentimes to "raucous applause." Didn't seem like a joke then. Only when pressed by David Gregory on the Sunday Morning Talk Show did Cain come up with the "I was only joking" excuse.

Whether you believe Herman Cain or not, the fact that a major Republican presidential candidate can "joke" about killing human beings as they cross the border speaks volumes about the current state of the GOP field and the Republican electorate in general. Herman Cain, this week's winner of the Wet Burrito Award.

 

Wet Burrito Award

For today's Wet Burrito Award I had two choices: 1) the entire Republican party for their recent campaign of suppressing the vote, lying repeatedly, and their idiotic approach to energy policy ("drill, baby, drill"), or 2) perennial Wet Burrito winner and right wing shrill Ruben Navarratte Jr. I went, of course, with my homeboy. Not so much because the vato's an intellectually bankrupt writer dependent on GOP talking points and lazy writerly cliches for his regurgitated columns passing as original thoughts and is thus ripe for mockery and derision, but in the spirit of Hispanic Heritage month I'm sticking with mi raza. Represent, baby, represent.

What's got my ire are Junior's last two columns (here and here), both fixated on McCain's VP choice, Sarah Palin, and both half baked syntheses of cable news debates with nothing new added to the conversation, only hollow excuses to bash the Democrats. Junior gushes that the self-described Hockey Mom is "a brilliant choice." Whatever. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if said opinion is backed up with only a cherry picked, self-serving portion of Palin's Republican-edited life story. Absent in Navaratte's distorted hagiography is any mention of Palin's varied and problematic issues reflecting badly on her character and judgement. Issues like Troopergate, her bridge to nowhere flip flops, tendencies towards book banning, and her intolerant religious beliefs she wants to put thrust upon us via public policy.

Nevertheless, Junior believes: "No matter how this election turns out, it's the country that stands to benefit the most from John McCain's historic decision to launch Sarah Palin onto the national stage."

Like I said, whatever. But what really is deserving of today's Wet Burrito is Junior's sanctimonious screed against the "elites," the "snobs," who he claims are attacking Palin because she comes from "outside the beltway." First of all, this bashing of the "elites" is coming from the guy who not only likes to remind readers at every opportunity he went to Harvard, but wrote an entire book about it. It's like Giulani's speech at the Republican convention where he accused Obama of hating small town America because it wasn't "cosmopolitan" enough. This coming from the ex mayor of New York, one of the most cosmopolitian city in the world. Or Mitt Romney at the same convention, criticizing "eastern elites." This from the guy who used to govern Massachusetts.

The hypocrisy of these guys is amazing. Add so I add Junior to their ranks. And while it would be laughable at any other time, given McCain's post convention bounce, it's scary in its effectiveness.

Wet Burrito Award

And the beat goes on...as the never ending Democratic primary slogs ahead. Seems my fellow Tejanos went for Clinton in way big numbers and apparently the news is that Hillary wins in the state she was supposed to win. The state she led by as much as 20 points three weeks ago. Ah Bartleby. Don't get me started on the fickle swing of campaign narratives and so-called momentum, it'll change soon enough, I'm here for more important reasons: to give out a coveted  Wet Burrito Award.

Unlike perennial W.B.A. winner Ruben Navarrette Jr. -- or, Junior as I like to call him -- who remains consistently and comfortingly transparent in his role as "Token Op-ed Brown Boy Who Just Happens To Be A Conservative," L.A. Times columnist Gregory Rodriguez is at least more nuanced in his right wing blatherings. That is most of the time. And for sure not two days ago, when in his latest column Rodriguez chastised Barack Obama for not wearing an American flag pin on his lapel, and thus, Gregory believes, continues to appear unpatriotic and unelectable:

If Barack Obama really wants to rise above the "old politics of division," he might want to start by putting that American flag pin back on his lapel and retracting his all too earnest explanation as to why he took it off in the first place.

No, not because he should seek to appease his conservative critics who are absurdly questioning his loyalty to the country. But because it could help heal the festering division over the meaning of patriotism in America while also beginning to make up for the Democratic Party's self-imposed patriotism deficit.

What an idiot. "All too earnest explanation?" You mean a principled stand and a refusal to acquiesce to patriotism as defined by hypocritical conservatives? For those of you unaware of this made up flag "controversy" I'll let Bill Mahrer tell the story. He's much funnier than I am:

New Rule: Show me a man wearing an American flag pin in his lapel, and I'll show you an asshole.

Last week we had the first genuine controversy of the presidential campaign: the shocking news that Barack Obama doesn't wear an American flag lapel pin, so apparently he and America are no longer going steady. "No lapel pin, Senator? It's like not wearing pants. Why don't you just stab the Statue of Liberty in the eye while bitch-slapping a 9/11 widow?" Another in a series of bullshit non-stories that have zero effect on the troops, the war or anything in the real world -- or, as Fox calls it, "Breaking News."

A reporter in Iowa asked Obama why he doesn't wear the pin and Obama explained that, to him, wearing the pin had come to seem like a "substitute for true patriotism." Bravo, Senator. And then, in yet another shining example of why the media is part of the problem, ABC's Claire Shipman said, "TMI, too much information -- all he had to say was, 'Don't judge me by what I wear, move on.' He played into the idea that he's not ready for prime time." What, schoolgirl? "Too much information?" What is she, 12?

Rodriguez argues that for political expediency Obama would be wise to embrace symbols of patriotism. Like I said, what an idiot. And the winner of this week's Wet Burrito Award. Deservedly so. And for those of you still unconvinced of the stupidity of the flag pin and the hypocrisy of right wing flacks (and certain Highspanic L.A. Times columnists) check out a Republican congressman talking about Obama and his flagless commie lapel, it doesn't get any clearer:

Wet Burrito Award

Politicians, columnist Ruben Navarrette Jr. has just discovered, sometimes say bad things about their opponents in their quest to get elected.

And this guy brags about his Harvard degree?

(Like John Stewart said last night about an Ivy League education, "big deal, I could've gotten one too if I had, you know, done well on tests and gotten good grades.")

Navarrette does his alma mater proud in his latest column's astute political analysis: that Democrats are the only pols who say bad things about their opponents. That their hostile scorn is singularly directed upon Barack Obama. And that these while liberal honkies only do this because Obama's a black man. And isn't this just one more example of liberal hypocrisy and aren't I clever fellow to have discovered this?

Well, no, Junior, you aren't. What your column actually demonstrates is a clumsy cherry picking of anecdotal events, imposing subjective interpretation to them, all to support a flimsy thesis, namely that --

Much of [the Democratic candidates'] hostility comes not in response to anything that Obama said or did, but rather what he represents – namely, an attempt by an African-American to shake up the Democratic electoral drama by going from supporting role to lead actor.

Sounds ghastly to be sure, but, unfortunately for Junior, totally unsubstantiated by facts. Nothing in his piece supports this premise. Nothing. Navarrette's got this near pathological belief that white people can't help but to condescend to accomplished people of color. I won't even begin to speculate what that's all about, but, hey, it's enough to inform another insipid column of loony Democrat and liberal bashing, a meandering piece which somehow finds to the time to sidetrack into a quick and off-the-point defense of Navarrette's Alberto Gonzales love. Now that's impressive. So kudos to Junior, winner of this week's Wet Burrito Award, the first of 2008. Congrats! I'm sure it won't be your last!

Wet Burrito Award

Haven't given out a Wet Burrito Award in awhile, but then again, haven't been reading Ruben Navarette lately. But a recent event this week convinces me the dubious honor is long overdue. And it's a tie. Some backstory...

The DREAM Act is a bi-partisan congressional bill that if passed would provide a path to citizenship for children of illegal immigrants. According to a Dallas Morning News article "the bill would have granted conditional legal status to illegal immigrants younger than 30 who completed two years of higher education or served in the military. To be considered for legal status, they would have needed to have lived in the U.S. for five years and have entered before age 16. After completing the educational or military requirement, they could have applied for citizenship. The legislation would have affected more than 1 million young people."

So basically, 1) if your parents brought you to this country without papers, through no choice of your own, you learned the language, got grades good enough to make it into college, and you survived two years of Beowulf and proximity to drunken frat boys; or 2) you  volunteered to get your ass shot off defending a country that was doing everything in its power to deport your parents, then said generous country would CONSIDER making you a citizen. Emphasis on consider.

Not the best deal but in these rhetorically-inflamed times where as we speak workers are building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, about the best deal you're gonna get.

In drumming up support for this week's vote on the DREAM measure, Senator Dick Durban (D-Il) organized a briefing to educate staffers on the bill. Featured speakers were three experts who could best speak with authority on the bill's benefits: three successful college students, all children of illegal immigrants. So was it a substantial and serious exchange of public policy and personal impact? Hardly. Enter Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo, last-tier Republican presidential candidate, the guy who has called for the bombing of Mecca, and who's central issue of his failed campaign is a hard-line anti-immigrant position. I'll let Think Progress finish the story...

Democrats were planning to hold a press conference today featuring three college students whose parents came to the United States illegally in order to promote the DREAM Act. But the event was postponed after anti-immigrant Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) called on the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency to arrest the three students:

“I call on the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency to detain any illegal aliens at this press conference,” said Tancredo, who claims to have alerted federal authorities about the well publicized press confrence. “Just because these illegal aliens are being used for political gain doesn’t mean they get immunity from the law. If we can’t enforce our laws inside the building where American laws are made, where can we enforce them?”

Turns out the three students were in fact legal. According to USA Today, "all three students have legal status. Manuel Bartsch, a college freshman from Ohio, and Marie Gonzalez, a college junior from Missouri, both had deportation orders postponed because of the intervention of members of Congress. Tam Tran, a recent UCLA graduate, had her deportation stayed because Germany, the country where she was born after her parents fled Vietnam, refused to accept the family back."

Bear in mind these three college students were NOT the same three students from Dallas who also journeyed up to Congress to practice democracy, observe the noble legislative process, and lobby for the bill's passage.  Again, from the Dallas Morning News..

Three Dallas students who traveled to Washington on Wednesday had high hopes for the bill's passage. All of them entered the U.S. before they were 11, brought by Mexican parents seeking work, they said.

It was their first trip to Washington and they were dressed for important meetings with senators. A meeting with [Texas Senator Kay Bailey] Hutchison's staff lasted about a half-hour.  But Mr. Cornyn [the other Texas Senator] would not allow them into his office because they were not legal residents.

Smarting from that rejection, one of the students, an 18-year-old woman, said she would have told Mr. Cornyn: "Put yourself in our shoes. Try to imagine your life as an immigrant."

Yeah, like empathy for the less fortunate is a trait these Republicans posses in abundance. The bill, of course, failed.

Winners, then, of this week's Wet Burrito Award...a tie: Representative Tom Tancredo and Texas Senator John Cornyn. Assholes. Go here to see video of Sen Dubin call out Tancredo and his ilk for their "bigotry and hatred."

 

Wet Burrito Award

Wow. I realize even amongst us Brown folks various opinions exist when it comes to immigrants -- for, against, and "hey, vato, how much to mow my lawn?"  But, dude, when it comes to our fellow undocumented raza, Chicago Sun-Times columnist Esther J. Cepeda takes the Leona Helmsley/"Queen of Mean" award, and today's Wet Burrito trophy.

Writing about Elvira Arellano -- the Mexican mom recently deported after spending a year in sanctuary in a Chicago Catholic Church and advocating for the rights of undocumented workers -- Cepeda, herself the daughter of immigrants, makes Pat Buchanan sound like the Dalia Lama in her recent column entitled "Adios and Good Riddance." Her article goes downhill from there...

Most people couldn't pronounce her name and didn't know she slipped into the country not once but a second time after border officials made it clear she was not to return. After being welcomed with open arms by whoever hires the cleaning ladies at O'Hare Airport, she was snagged in a post-9/11 raid and, a newly convicted felon, was ordered out of the country in 2004.

Cepeda seems to take particular offense at Arellano's treatment of her young son, Saul, "who on the Fourth of July 2006, after a long day of handing out pro-immigrant fliers in the hot sun, cried openly asking his 'mami' why he hadn't played in sprinklers and watched fireworks like other kids.' and 'who despite his supposed medical disorders, was trotted out in front of every TV camera and microphone that appeared at the church's door.'" 

I hesitate to quote Cepeda extensively but a snarky synopsis doesn't adequately convey the vitriol of this daughter of Ecuadorian and Mexican parents, ex first grade biligual ed teacher, and now, apparently, doing a mean impression of Lou Dobbs -- in drag.  She goes on...

Saul, whom I watched spend a long, miserable year holed up in a tiny apartment watching Spanish-language TV while trying to avoid the parade of people who stopped by to visit. Saul who had no mom or dad to take him to school everyday.

Saul who had to again watch his mother get arrested because she refused to go willingly.

Then there's Elvira who, after being convicted of stealing someone's identity, was given a pass on jail time in exchange for her departure. She proceeded to thumb her nose at the laws of the country she so desperately wants her son to grow up in.  

Her entitlement complex turned off people who might have had a modicum of sympathy for the plight of illegal immigrants. Added bonus? It fueled the hatred from those who already wanted to see them all rounded up and shipped off.

In the process she made life more difficult for legal immigrants and U.S.-born Hispanics who will continue to endure the wrath of a country that's disgusted that there seem to be one set of laws for "us," and a more lenient set for the 12million "them" who toil here for next to nothing at the cordial invitation of businesses and bargain-shoppers everywhere.

Though she only learned a rudimentary amount of English while in sanctuary -- enough to deliver a brilliantly written speech I'd bet my life she didn't compose -- her message was crystal clear. Maybe not with her words, but with her actions Arellano did in fact say, "Catch me if you dare."

Now that Immigration and Customs Enforcement called her bluff I can be clear, too: Adios and good riddance.

Her bio lists Cepeda as living in the Chicago suburbs with her family and "two tan chihuahuas."

Someone call the SPCA.

Wet Burrito Award

A central figure in the dubious pantheon of Latino Republicans With National Prominence is 'Burque native Linda Chavez. Homegirl is old school, OG, a Who's-Who among GOP raza tracing her conservative roots back to her stint as Ronald Regan's Staff Director for the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights.

Among her accomplishments as director was changing the commission's decades-old historical mandate from helping minorities to a new and official stance opposing affirmative action. (You go, girl!) In 1986 Chavez ran for the U.S. Senate and is credited with pioneering the now all-too familiar campaign tactic of personal destruction, all the while aligning yourself with the Christian right. In a debate against her Democratic opponent, a single woman, Chavez, then 20 points down in the race, called her opponent a lesbian. Chavez lost. In 2001 George Bush nominated Chavez for Secretary of Labor, the first Latina nominated for a cabinet position. Soon after, Chavez had to withdraw her name. An undocumented Guatemalan woman had been living in Chavez's house for two years, cleaning the home, and getting paid cash dollars. Chavez's explanation to the FBI that the lady was only a 'friend" and not an employee was greeted with skepticism.

I mention all this history because Chavez once again is in the news. The Washington Post reports that "Chavez and her immediate family members have used phone banks and direct-mail solicitations to raise tens of millions of dollars, founding several political action committees with bankable names: the Republican Issues Committee, the Latino Alliance, Stop Union Political Abuse and the Pro-Life Campaign Committee. Their solicitations promise direct action in the 'fight to save unborn lives,' a vigorous struggle against 'big labor bosses' and a crippling of 'liberal politics in the country.'"

Turns out "of the $24.5 million raised by the PACs from January 2003 to December 2006, $242,000 -- or 1 percent -- was passed on to politicians." Instead most of the rest went back into the PAC, and, not surprisingly, into the pockets of Chavez and her family. In 2001, the PACs paid Chavez's husband $77,190, her son Pablo $25,344, and her son David $9,687. In the next five years, the PACs paid Chavez's family members were paid $261,237 by the PACs.

"I guess you could call it the family business," Chavez said in an interview.

Linda Chavez, today's winner of the Wet Burrito Award.

Pop Will Eat Itself -- And Retch

On the afternoon of January 8th, 1980, John Lennon and Yoko Ono posed for Rolling Stone photographer Annie Leibovitz in what would be the last pictures ever taken of the ex Beatle. That evening, Lennon was shot and killed outside his apartment, slowly bleeding to death from four bullet holes to his back.

Tender, poignant, and emotional, the image chosen from that session was published on the January 22nd, 1981 issue, a special edition dedicated to Lennon's life, influence, contradictions, and legacy. The American Society of Magazine Editors chose it as the best magazine cover of the last 40 years.

This year, the new Jessica Alba Hollywood comedy, Good Luck Chuck, features an idiot guy/love interest who sleeps with a lot of women, a wacky sex scene with a 300 lb woman where said love interest almost throws up, and slo mo shots of Alba's skirt ripping off, revealing skimpy bikini panties underneath, in close up.

This is their movie poster.

Don't know who deserves the Wet Burrito Award for the this one: two time winner Jessica Alba or Lionsgate Films.

Wet Burrito Award

Today's Wet Burrito Award goes to...my blog server. Seems a power outage somewhere in the Bay Area shut down a number of sites today, mine included. Apologies for those of you trying to log in from about 2 to 5 pm PST for your daily dose of images, teatro, and noise.

At first I thought it was some nefarious Bush administration/Patriot Act trick, given my recent diss of their boy Alberto Gonzales, but apparently Craigslist, Technorati, CNet and others were hit also. (Not to mention the cable cars went out, too.)

Kinda makes you wonder about this whole internet stuff. Fragile. My only word of advice, back everything up.

Wet Burrito Award

Today's Wet Burrito Award goes to perennial winner Ruben Navarette Jr. In Junior's insipid column today, homeboy maintains his robotic support of the war in Iraq with the mindless repeating of Republican talking points. I wouldn't mind his position so much if it was at least reasoned, fact-based, and intellectually consistent. Instead it consists primarily of George Bush Good, Democrats Bad. Junior does, however, casually drop in the fact that he recently appeared on a "nationally televised news program." Well, not so casually, it's in his first sentence.

It's like five sputtering minutes on TV somehow makes his opinion that Dems "have a steep learning curve on national security issues" any more valid. Flavor Flav, after all, is on national television. And so is Lou Dobbs. It's not so great an accomplishment.

And, no, the TV show was not Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, but The News Hour with Jim Lehrer, where in the context of a debate on how public opinion has shifted to overwhelming opposition to the war, Navarette somehow managed to spin that fact into how this growing opinion against George Bush's war is bad for the Democrats. A clever feat of mental jiu-jitsu as I've ever seen. I guess the vato is smarter that a 5th grader.